Light the Embers

For when the world
Is lonely;
When loves last light
Casts a shadow,
The sky cries
For those who
Are lost
With no shelter
From the storm.
No comfort from
The sun,
No eyes to see
Past the pain,
Only the endless
Thundering
Of empty hearts,
Bursts of light
Shatter the darkness
Leaving slivers of
Hope for the weary,
Hope for a rainbow
In the light
Long lost in the
Path of life.
For when the world
Is lonely;
When loves last light
Casts a shadow
There is always a
Spark to ignite
The embers,
The dreamers,
The lovers.
For this is the
Only life.
Live it to say
"I lived."

Children of the Night

She was sure this was where he  disappeared, but then again she hadn't been there. Not with him. It was deep in the forest where a clearing was overgrown with wildflowers and leaves littered the ground.
Unlike the police and the search party, the young girl took her lantern and went to search by the light of the moon. Sometimes the shadows revealed things that the light of day did not. As she went on her way a little voice inside her head kept asking how she could help. She was, after all, just a girl. She kept shaking it off until it got so loud she could no longer ignore it.
Stopping in her tracks she looked up through the tree branches to the starry sky above.  "How can I help, you ask?" She said a loud to the trees. "Because this is where I, too, disappeared.
Refocusing, she stood directly in the center of the clearing,  holding her lantern out looking for any clues. Placing the lantern near her feet, she knelt down and rummaged  among the leaves begging the forest to talk to her. Her searching became frantic. She needed to find clues because this boy's family missed him just as she was missed. The wind shifted rustling the leaves. Just like that she saw it. A footprint beneath the leaves. Not just any footprint but that of a child.
Moving along the leaves she saw another and another. She stood and followed them to the edge of the forest where they abruptly stopped.
"No! No, no, no!" She cried out as she continued to search the surrounding area. Suddenly, something hit her. Why hadn't the police seen these before?  Upon closer inspection she could tell that these prints were not fresh. So why hadn't they seen them?
Because footsteps of the dead could not be seen by the living.
With tears in her eyes she looked up to see him standing there motioning for her to come with him.
"Where are we going?" She asked taking a step towards him.
"Home." She took his hand and just like that they were gone.

On Writing...

I haven't written a new poem since before Easter of this year. I remember a time when I used to write ALL the time. I'm not sure where that drive and motivation went, but I want to start writing more. It is hard, though, between work, helping Bella with her homework, dinner, bath, etc. I just finished writing this poem and wanted to share. Hopefully I'll have more to share coming soon.

Enjoy!

The night sky blazes

With millions of stars,

I travel on through

But don’t get very far.

Gravity holds me down

When I don’t want to drown.

I want to reach for

What I believe in - -

The universe holds my dreams.

The sunny days drench

The earth with its kiss,

Holding tight so as

Not to miss

The growth from within,

And the reason to win.

I want to reach for

What I believe in - -

The world is my stage.

I dance to the music

And sing in the rain

My heart is on fire

To melt away the pain

Let me see what others

Fail to see

When I reach for

What I believe in - -

The Lord is a lamp at my feet. (Ps. 119)

To guide me through

The darkest days

An Itty Bitty Vent Post

Sometimes being a parent sucks. There, I said it. It does, especially as a single parent when your child is being a pain in the ass and you don't have someone to say "hey take over so I can go have a time out before I do/say something I'll regret later."

When you're at the park and your child refuses to leave, so you say they are going to stay there and you walk away, all eyes soley on you. Praying that your child will soon follow suit as you save face, telling yourself that you're doing the right thing.

Wanting to give in to so many things because you don't have to energy to fight. Between full time work, cooking, cleaning, homework. Then on top of the worries of if you're doing things ok as a parent. All the worries of keeping the household together fall on your shoulders alone.  It's exhausting.

Something miraculous happened tonight, though. My child got in trouble at school for pushing one of her classmates because she wouldn't get out of her way {which resulted in a busted lip). I was disappointed, sure, and I talked to her about why we don't push our friends. The rest of the evening went much the same way with attitude. She told me to shut up when I was singing. She made a fuss because she couldn't watch a movie as a consequence for her action at school. Through all of this I remained calm and relaxed. I'm not sure exactly what changed today when I used to get so stressed out.

Maybe it's because so many things have changed in our lives. We've been through a lot, but the 2 of us are still here, breathing. We have been taking our own adventures (we used to always go with my mom) like a day trip to Galveston, The Museum of Natural Science, Hermann Park, the kite festival. As much as I enjoy doing things with my mom, I have greatly enjoyed these bonding times with my daughter. We are like 2 peas in a pod.

As I've said, sometimes being a parent sucks, but I wouldn't change it for anything. It's watching her go from being scared of swinging too high, to kicking herself off the ground and swinging her legs back and forth. Going higher and higher. Watching her climb up and down and through things. Watching her learn and grow at school. Becoming more independent but at the end of the day knowing that they still need you just as much as you still need them.

I can't imagine my life without her.

Lenten Blog #1

 

I Will Rise - Chris Tomlin

 

"For dust you are and to dust you shall return" (Genesis 3:19).

 

In the season of ashes, repentance, renewal

I give my all to thee,

my Lord of all who saved me

my heart is full and free.

I pray to you for kindness, mercy,

and repair,

I know I am not perfect,

but only You so fair

know me from the inside

to each and every layer.

I've had my doubts and hesitations

though this season brought me

to fruition.

To learn and grow

with the need to know

You're with me everywhere.

In the wind and trees,

in the earth I see

the beauty that You created.

When times get hard

I will heed Your call

so to keep my faith from falling.

With You and in You

I will Rise.

 



Never Giving Up

I have been trying to write this blog post now for a few weeks. With all the amazing things that are going on in my life it was hard to find the right words. Not that the natural high has worn off, maybe I can think of something fabulous to say.

After a rough year things are finally starting to look up for me. I made it through the 9 month medical assistant program graduating {with honors} a few weeks ago. When I sat back and really thought about it, thought about my situation while I was in school I have to take a step back and say "wow!" How the hell did I manage to get through school while raising my daughter and living in a shelter and not manage to kill anyone? A friend told me that I am an inspiration to single mother's out there. I didn't feel it until I really thought about my circumstances.

Despite everything I didn't give up. Giving up wasn't in my vocabulary because I had Isabella to think about. I want a good life for her so I had to get through school so I could get a good job. I was hoping to get hired on at my externship site, but after the 2 months I was there I decided it wouldn't be a good place to work. I did enjoy my time there and I learned a lot, but once I got used to the doctor and the other staff I was ready to go. So now that I am graduated I am back in the job search pool. I have already been on 2 interviews and I am hoping this second one works out. I will talk about that in a few minutes, but first...

A week after I did my exit interview and walk through at school I took my RMA {registered medical assistant} exam. It snuck up on me quickly. I wasn't prepared for it, but I went in there confident I knew the material. After all I did just finish school {did I mention I graduated with honors?}. I said a prayer on my way to the testing center then again right before I took the exam. The exam was 210 questions and I had 2 hours to finish it. I finished in just over an hour, and since the exam was done on the computer I got my score immediately. I closed my eyes as I waited, nervous. You had to score a 70 or above to pass. I scored an 83. My jaw hit the floor in shock as my heart wanted to sore right out of my chest. I was shocked that I had passed since I hadn't even studied for the exam and I was so happy! I left the testing center not being able to keep the grin off my face. I called and texted everyone I knew to tell them. I was so happy that things were going in my favor that I wanted to cry {happy tears} when I sat and really thought about it.

I have never had such amazing accomplishments in my life, so all of this was a huge deal to me. I finally feel worthy and I like I am good enough for anything. Although I am still living in transitional housing, it's a great place for me to be. I moved to a different housing facility while I was doing my externship and it's more independent living than where I was before. It's an actual 1 bedroom apartment, but this plays requires a lot more from you. They help you more to get back on your feet and take care of any financial things that may prevent you from getting an apartment or anything else for that matter. It's a lot of work but well worth it if it makes me a better person.

Ok, so back to the job interview I had. It was at an orthopedic surgeon's office {wow, I know!}. I would be starting out part time and in the front office. I know that's not what I went to school for, but this particular doctor has only been in practice for about 2 years. His practice is starting to grow thus needed more help. There is room for growth {such as moving to back office and going full time}. I was so excited and felt so positive about the job when I left the interview. I felt that this would be a really good starting point for me in my career in the medical field. I mailed off an interview thank you letter the next day and I should be hearing something back from them this week. I have been praying about it and staying positive.

Well, I think that is all the good news I have to share right now. Life is good and God always sees you through your darkest hour. I am living proof of that. Until next time, my friends.

Much love.

Life's Curveballs

Sometimes life can throw you a serious curveball. One you weren't anticipating. I know I was thrown the mother of all curveballs last year. In a 12 month time span I lost my job. I struggled to find a new one so I then lost my apartment because I couldn't afford it (remember no job). Thus leaving me to move into a transitional housing facility (aka homeless shelter). Even through all that I kept my faith and believed that this was something I had to go through, as hard as it was.

About a month and a half after moving I enrolled in vocational training at Texas School of Business to become a medical assistant. I had never been more excited about school. For the 2 weeks before I started I was practically bouncing with excitement. Then school started, and now almost 7 months later I have 10 days left of in class then I start my externship. Even with everything else I've had to deal with along with school (being a parent and the worries of living in a shelter), I have managed to maintain straight As through school. It only took me 31 years to find my niche in life. It feels good to finally know what I am good at and that when all is said and done, I will have a career. Not just a job, but a career!



My daughter, who turns 4 in 2 weeks, has grown and blossomed so much as well. She is at a wonderful daycare (that doesn't cost me a penny, how lucky is that?), and she loves it as much as I do. They take such wonderful care of the kids and they have so many services to help out each family. A few months ago, Isabella started stuttering, BAD. I mentioned it to her teacher and so she was then evaluated by the speech therapist. about a month or so later I noticed a huge difference in her stuttering. It's things like this that make this school so special.



At Christmas we got so many gifts from her daycare and from the place we stay. I was so overwhelmed and my heart was so full of gratitude. A friend once told me that going through this part of my life will leave me with a better understanding and appreciation of life. I do believe she's right. So far I have learned to take things in stride and to take hand me downs (not just for Isabella but for me as well) with an open and thankful heart. I am learning not to take things for granted. To be thankful for what I have and not wanting more.



It's been a huge learning experience and one I am so thankful for going through. It hasn't been a cake walk, but I know that if I can get through this I can get through anything. I have to credit my mom too. She has been such a huge supporter and encourager through all this. I hope she knows how much I appreciate her and all of her help (financially and emotionally). I am also so thankful for some of the ladies I have met and befriended. They help me to know what true compassion is and I know that God is working through me to help them.



I often wonder how me and one of the ladies I live with became friends. She's a 60 year old black woman and I am a 31 year old white woman. We come from completely different backgrounds, but something with us just clicked. She struggles a lot with demons from her past, even still, and I do what I can to help her over come them. I write down inspiring lyrics from songs. I tell her stories from my past. Just simple things. God put us together for a reason. I want to post a picture of her and my daughter, but I'm not. I am going to respect her privacy and not put a picture out there for all the world to see. Like my mom said, "she's been through hell and back, but she's a nice lady."

So you see, even through this curveball, life is still positive. I am not just sitting back feeling sorry for myself. I am out there doing something to make life better. To be where I'm suppose to be. It's a ride, a beautiful one. Hopefully it won't be another year before I post again. Until then, though, may God see you through your own curveballs, not matter how big or small they may seem.

God Bless.