Sometimes being a parent sucks. There, I said it. It does, especially as a single parent when your child is being a pain in the ass and you don't have someone to say "hey take over so I can go have a time out before I do/say something I'll regret later."
When you're at the park and your child refuses to leave, so you say they are going to stay there and you walk away, all eyes soley on you. Praying that your child will soon follow suit as you save face, telling yourself that you're doing the right thing.
Wanting to give in to so many things because you don't have to energy to fight. Between full time work, cooking, cleaning, homework. Then on top of the worries of if you're doing things ok as a parent. All the worries of keeping the household together fall on your shoulders alone. It's exhausting.
Something miraculous happened tonight, though. My child got in trouble at school for pushing one of her classmates because she wouldn't get out of her way {which resulted in a busted lip). I was disappointed, sure, and I talked to her about why we don't push our friends. The rest of the evening went much the same way with attitude. She told me to shut up when I was singing. She made a fuss because she couldn't watch a movie as a consequence for her action at school. Through all of this I remained calm and relaxed. I'm not sure exactly what changed today when I used to get so stressed out.
Maybe it's because so many things have changed in our lives. We've been through a lot, but the 2 of us are still here, breathing. We have been taking our own adventures (we used to always go with my mom) like a day trip to Galveston, The Museum of Natural Science, Hermann Park, the kite festival. As much as I enjoy doing things with my mom, I have greatly enjoyed these bonding times with my daughter. We are like 2 peas in a pod.
As I've said, sometimes being a parent sucks, but I wouldn't change it for anything. It's watching her go from being scared of swinging too high, to kicking herself off the ground and swinging her legs back and forth. Going higher and higher. Watching her climb up and down and through things. Watching her learn and grow at school. Becoming more independent but at the end of the day knowing that they still need you just as much as you still need them.
I can't imagine my life without her.
